Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Choice

This is crucial reading from Charlotte Bevan and adds to my fury about programmes like SS v SS. EDs are not a choice and is something that I dont think Dr Christian takes seriously enough. I will keep saying this until I am blue in the face.


*Sigh sigh sigh*.
If it were a choice, I don't think I'd have CHOSEN to spend the last 20 years battling and struggling to stay alive.
Nor would I have CHOSEN to cause such heartache and distress to my family and loved ones.
I wouldn't have CHOSEN to try and try again only to be defeated time and time again and wind up in a hospital bed, head bent in shame, humiliation, embarrassment and frustration.
I wouldn't have chosen to spend more time as an inpatient than an outpatient so far this year (and true of many years prior to this one).
I wouldn't choose now to see my parents aging before my eyes, and to feel such helplessness - in that I should be looking after THEM. I wouldn't choose for them to have their daughter be such a burden and a worry.
I didn't choose failing kidneys, a struggling heart, wonky ecgs, electrolyte imbalances that could stop my heart in a beat. I didn't choose to have my bowels fall out of my arse, or the humiliating round of investigative procedures and eventually removal of growths that followed (a buggered-up bowel is an inviting place for such lovelies). Nor did I choose to have crumbling and rotting teeth, thinning hair and skin so thin and dry that a mere touch and it flakes off; a slight knock and bruising appears.
I'd never choose the stigma, the looks, the sneers. I wish I could choose NOT to see the looks of pity and frustration from staff, as I leave inpatient treatment, again. And the same looks when I return weeks/months later because I have apparently CHOSEN not to look after myself and not to keep myself safe. What do I expect other than to wind up in hospital? Again.
This is not a "poor me" whine (well, maybe just a little..will pull myself together in a moment;)), but it is the truth.
Choice doesn't come into it. Either the gun's loaded, or it's not.

4 comments:

  1. Enough already, you have told Dr Christian Jessen what you think and your opinions; which is fair enough but now just leave him alone!

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  2. Personally, I believe that playing with people's mental health for the sake of ratings is not an option.

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    1. Everyone I speak to just doesn't understand my fury and hate of this programme. They dont see anything wrong with it which gets me more angry and frustrated! They love the "entertainment" of it - there is absolutely nothing about it thats entertaining. IN fact its too painful to watch. I just can't do it.

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  3. i think there is alot of unspoken truths in the world of ED esp as most research is outdated!

    rhi x

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